Monday, March 29, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
I don’t really understand how this little brain works. How it stimulants my ego and electrified it with questions, loads of question about my position, about where am at, about what should I do later, about who is he, about who is she, what they are for me, about what I should do, what they possibly feel when they are together.
I do run. A lot. And I never want to finish anything. Time will heal and I’ll do just fine. Will they? Will those tiny shreds of unfinished conversation be fine without me? I’m sure they will. Although they haunt also but leaving is the best idea of all. It is the last, very last, option too, which sounds stupid. I am stupid, creating that stupid way to rid of stupid relationship, in stupid situation.
I still believe we’ll do just fine without each other, without explanation, without utter bullshit and rows of shitty chains of events. I don’t talk, I told you many times. I write. But as I know mouth is created to talk, I should force myself to talk. I should. I should.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Okay. I learn.
Setiap orang pasti punya pola yang berbeda terutama yang tinggal bersama orang tuanya. Kadang gw merasa, kalau kehidupan terlalu normal dan terlalu sesuai dengan trek, itu menjadi sebuah kejenuhan dan pertanyaan sendiri. You know, I always want to hang out, wherever, tanpa batas jam mesti pulang jam berapa.
That's why I rily wanna gooo! please. Somewhere so I can have home, portable home, wherever. Pengen nyoba lihat sunset disini, lalu besoknya sunrise disana, terus ambil foto disini, dan beranang disana, lalu ngeringin bajunya disini, piknik disana, besoknya masak di rumah si ini, dan kemudian kembali lagi ke jalan ketemu sama si itu, baca buku di taman sendirian, terus dengerin lagu, nulis di taman, gambar, coret-coret di tembok, ditanyain polisi lagi apa sendirian, terus gw lari, terus ngos-ngosan dan nongkrong di warung kopi... kemana-mana. Selalu pengen begitu.
Kenyataan yang ada: (I don't say am not happy for my too NORMAL life ya)
Gw ngeband, dan pulang malam latihan. Ini menyenangkan dan gw suka.
Ke kampus. Agak ngga menyenangkan kalau ngga ketemu teman-teman.
Ngurusin skripsi. Okk ini mesti dipaksain.
Ngurusin gaji yang sampai sekarang belum dibayarin. Agak bangke emang yang satu ini. Persetan lah.
Nulis. IYA! BUT I NEED SOMEWHERE ELSE!! DAN ITU PASTI AKAN TERJADI.
Pulang ke rumah. Gw berharap bisa punya rumah sendiri supaya bisa ngurusin keperluan gw dan selalu gw yang pulang! Hahha.
Am hungry for outer world. Am hungry for abnormality. Am hungry for what they call journey to nowhere land. I found myself on street, where i walk here and there without destination, where i talk to people i don't know and really don't care they whereabouts, just talk, and perhaps a cigarette but since i don't smoke well a cup of coffee will fit.