Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Ego



I often lose hope. I often give up. I often cry and I know I am a fragile glass that is easily shattered. Lateefa is getting better alhamdulillah. Udah ngga demam. Masih rewel. Masih marah-marah. Tapi alhamdulillah udah ngga demam dan harus dijaga karena kan tipes ya.. Hal ini bikin nangis juga. Bikin setiap kali lihat dia, rasanya Allah ngasih dunia gw cuma di 1 orang. Rasanya Allah ngasih kebahagiaan gw cuma di 1 sosok. Padahal masih ada suami yang harus didengerin, masih ada suami yang harus diurus, masih ada suami yang harus dimengerti karena dunia-akherat gw bergantung sama ridha-nya dia.

Gw sadar, sering banget gw jadi orang keras kepala dengan merasa benar sendiri. Sering jadi istri yang ga mau dengerin suami karena gw pikir opini dia ga ada dasarnya, gw yang paling tau apa yang paling baik buat gw dan dia dan Lateefa, gw yang paling bener dalam menentukan segala yang berhubungan sama Lateefa, pokonya apa-apa mom knows best, happy wife happy life so please make me happy by listening to me, ini, itu, and so on, and I neglect his feeling.

I feel stupid. I AM stupid. How come I turned into this blind love, a blind love to Lateefa? How come I close my eyes and mind and heart and everything to what I feel, to what my husband feels, to what OUR relationship feels? How could I keep silent? How could I cry and throw the stone to my husband that it is all his fault, that HE is the one who should listen, that HE is the one who should change, that HE is the ONLY one who make mistake because I ALWAYS right?

Love doesn't work that way. Love listens. Love cares. Love accepts. Love understands. Love does magic.

And we created our magic. We went thru magical moment with our families.

It worked. But still life is endless learning process and uncountable series of heart aches, unbeatable misery, that I believe we can create our happily ever after together. It is us who create it and it starts with MYself. That I should listen, that I should care, That I should accept, That I should understand, that I should be patient, more patient of more magic to come.

Bear with me A, bear with me Lateefa. I love you guys and I am sorry to hurt you both in this process called life. I love you too much. <3

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