Thursday, May 26, 2016

22 mos

It is quite a struggle to live with toddler. I mean, yes I love my child, but yes she is a toddler. It is not fun to live with toddler. Like, not fun! I just cannot sit there play fun doh aallll day or sit beside her to watch her watch her lovely 'powowo'.

I ask questions to myself often. Why or how did this happen? Questioning the presence of your daughter. Why she was there, sitting on my lap while I was praying. Why did she pour a glass of water to floor tho I have said 6-7 times (I do my countings) already. It is her age. It is her right to do so, yet it burns me to death.

Being the youngest daughter in my family with no history of having closed cousins when they were baby made me so hard to connect to Lateefa's world. Besides, relatives, family, husband, friends - all those relationship are having their times. Not all times are good, right? There are times where things are rough and I thought I wasn't that tough and this toddler is being a toddler!

Oh dear. I do need help. As I told you, I question myself often. I become curious on how to anticipate such dull, unattractive, plain days living with toddler. Reading helps. Writing helps better. It is 3 AM and I am not sleepy at all.

I questioned myself while stirring comfort drink downstairs. I just am thankful. So my heart, my damn wise heart told me this in such chaotic situation :

Alhamdulillah semua kejadian sekarang. Now. When I am young. Kalau ada kesalahan, besok diperbaiki. Kalau ngerasa sebel sama Lateefa gara-gara dia narik mukena, numpahin air dengan sengaja, alhamdulillah kejadian sekarang. Handle it. Cope with it. Ini baru anak satu. Belum dua. Have fun. Terus belajar. Mumpung kalau masi muda, nulis kaya di batu. Kalau udah tua, nulis kaya di air. Punya suami kaya K atau anak kaya LittleL pasti kehendak Allah yang ga mungking ga ada maksud di balik itu. You are more than just boiled water, Dit. You can soften potatoes and hardened eggs.

I was surprised I cud hear myself telling myself such brilliant lines in seconds. Allah Maha Besar dan saya berterima kasih atas pertolongan yang datang setiap hari. Dan kesehatan. Dan iman Islam.

Monday, February 29, 2016

Masak

Tauuu banget kalau jadi perempuan tuh harus bisa masak (apa nggak ya??)
Dan mauuu banget belajar.

Ceritanya baru beli tempat bekel baru buat suami dan itu yang membuat saya mulai terinspirasi untuk masak dengan variasi yang akan terlihat bagus di tempat bekel suami saya. Semoga bisa cepat terlaksana nih acara masak-memasaknya hehe.

Lagi mau bikin sayur tumis aja sih, dan mau belanja di pasar untuk nyetok makanan seminggu, cuma belum kesampean juga. Alhamdulillah hujaaan terus, acara mau jalan sama Lateefa kadang kepending karena mesti nunggu weekend dulu baru jalan sama papanya pakai kendaraan pribadi. Ngga apa-apa juga sih.. Tapi mau banget juga nih nyetir sendiri ke mana-mana, ga ngangkot lagi. Ah, fokus deh. Masak dulu!

Sekarang banyak banget source yang bikin ngiler yaa. Ini lagi lihat IG nya @@tiyarahmatiya dan food52.com dan itu salah banget deh. Apalagi kalau ada inspirasi datang tapi ngga ada bahan-bahan nya, apalagi kalau laper segala... Life oh life.

Semoga bisa cepet kesampean masak sehat buat suami dan Lateefa niih. Amiin!

Sunday, January 24, 2016

Classic


It never fails me.

Beberpa hari lalu beli buku di periplus.com dan udah beres baca The Little Prince. Satu lagi beli kumpulan cerita klasik Hans Christian Andersen. Duh, bener deh, bisa ya mereka menginspirasi sampai puluhan, bahkan mungkin ratusan tahun.

Mulai kepikiran untuk punya personal library supaya beberapa buku yang kira-kira readable buat Lateefa, bisa dia baca juga di kemudian hari. Beberapa minggu kebelakang memang lagi suka sama cerit pendek, puisi klasik, sama quote yang menginspirasi. Jadi berasa kaya kuliah dulu yang kerjaannya baca buku terus. Heheh. Bedanya kali ini ngga ada analisis karakter dan foreshadowing... tapi tetep aja sih pas baca sesuatu pasti langsung "ini simbol artinya ini nih" "oh bagian ini ada foreshadowing-nya tadi" "karakter ini perangai nya ini" and bla bla bla lainnya.

Buku The Little Prince sendiri cukup menohok buat saya. Cukup mengingatkan saya bahwa di dalam tubuh orang dewasa yang saya punya sekarang, saya ngga lebih dari salah satu grown-ups yang punya pikiran ruwet, penuh dengan kesombongan dengan merasa saya sudah dewasa dan yang paling bener, bahwa saya tidak sensitif, saya pengen sesuatu tapi ngga tau kegunaanya buat apa di kemudian hari.

Ada yang cukup menjadi highlight yang masih saya ingat dari cerita ini dan satu hal yang saya pikir benar karena seseorang yang saya tuakan, yang saya percaya, bilang "lebih baik diam, mengkel di tenggorokan, tapi justru yang diam akan mendapat pahala". Berbeda sama kebanyakan quote yang saya selama ini temukan "speak your mind" "You believe that things are better when left unsaid, well you're a fool" "do not be afraid for truth needs to be spoken" dan lain-lainnya.

Shakespeare bilang "some feelings are better remain unsaid" dan di buku The Little Prince ini "words are a source of misunderstanding".

Saturday, January 2, 2016

Pain to Pretty Results

Looking back to my college life files, everything filled with random DIY projects. From embroidery to hama beads, from doodles to handmade magazine collage cards, from t-shirt necklace to resin pendants. Everything I have missed so far.

I have issue with organizing. That this the hardest part to be organized, the hardest part to be focused on sorting stuffs, it is too much pain to just sit watching TV or do dishes without make something each day. Crafting is my hobby, one of many, and really I cannot focus on what I want to do and it hurts me. It makes the closest people I live with sick. I was wondering what is wrong with making? What is wrong with having a hobby of making something by myself?

Time flies and I have lack of time to do my hobbies. I stressed out. I couldn't think right. Making, creating, in any forms is always my escape. Now I do understand why it hurts and make people I am close to. I cannot organize stuff. It is scattered everywhere anywhere since I just piled them until dusts is everywhere.

It is my issue. It has always been.

Sekarang harus banyak belajar untuk bis rapi-rapi dan membuat semuanya bersih. Karena saya ngga hidup sendiri. Saya punya tanggung jawab - anak dan suami. Saya bukan anak kecil yang kalau dikasi tau marah dan pundung tanpa mau memperbaiki. This is the way I green my grass. Start from myself. Yang pasti, berproses.

I start organizing my Pinterest boards


I started organizing my folders - renaming them, replace folders, things I have NEVER done before.. to be honest I don't think this is important but I think it is time to change and changes can be done by starting something small.

 
 Semoga bisa terus berlanjut melakukan perubahan positif. Mungkin dengan mau beberes dan rapi-rapiin barang, orang-orang terdekat ridha sama hobi saya :P