Thursday, May 26, 2016

22 mos

It is quite a struggle to live with toddler. I mean, yes I love my child, but yes she is a toddler. It is not fun to live with toddler. Like, not fun! I just cannot sit there play fun doh aallll day or sit beside her to watch her watch her lovely 'powowo'.

I ask questions to myself often. Why or how did this happen? Questioning the presence of your daughter. Why she was there, sitting on my lap while I was praying. Why did she pour a glass of water to floor tho I have said 6-7 times (I do my countings) already. It is her age. It is her right to do so, yet it burns me to death.

Being the youngest daughter in my family with no history of having closed cousins when they were baby made me so hard to connect to Lateefa's world. Besides, relatives, family, husband, friends - all those relationship are having their times. Not all times are good, right? There are times where things are rough and I thought I wasn't that tough and this toddler is being a toddler!

Oh dear. I do need help. As I told you, I question myself often. I become curious on how to anticipate such dull, unattractive, plain days living with toddler. Reading helps. Writing helps better. It is 3 AM and I am not sleepy at all.

I questioned myself while stirring comfort drink downstairs. I just am thankful. So my heart, my damn wise heart told me this in such chaotic situation :

Alhamdulillah semua kejadian sekarang. Now. When I am young. Kalau ada kesalahan, besok diperbaiki. Kalau ngerasa sebel sama Lateefa gara-gara dia narik mukena, numpahin air dengan sengaja, alhamdulillah kejadian sekarang. Handle it. Cope with it. Ini baru anak satu. Belum dua. Have fun. Terus belajar. Mumpung kalau masi muda, nulis kaya di batu. Kalau udah tua, nulis kaya di air. Punya suami kaya K atau anak kaya LittleL pasti kehendak Allah yang ga mungking ga ada maksud di balik itu. You are more than just boiled water, Dit. You can soften potatoes and hardened eggs.

I was surprised I cud hear myself telling myself such brilliant lines in seconds. Allah Maha Besar dan saya berterima kasih atas pertolongan yang datang setiap hari. Dan kesehatan. Dan iman Islam.