Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Ngaca

Bercermin. Looking at reflection to yourself. Looking at you. Looking AT you.

Minggu kemaren ada satu hari saya minta tolong suami beberapa kali. Hari itu saya langsung berusaha untuk ngerem biar ga minta tolong tapi kelepasan juga. 😴

That was the day i thought things wouldn't work at all. Just hanging by the thread and finish the day. I did. I survived. Tapi blank semua kosong. To Do list ga ada yang keisi : dari solat dhuha, bacain cerita buat Lateefa, stop mengeluh. I forgot what day was it but i clearly can recall that that day, that particular day was a total chaos. Not chaotic kaya marah-marah atau apa but i feel lost and need to get a grip aja. Hari ini juga lupa bersyukur sebelum tidur. Belum lagi shallow activity lihat HP dan mantengin IG feed bodyshopsale. Hadeh..

The next day, sampe sekarang.. I know what made me like that. I rarely look at myself, see how exhausting living with toddler can be, realize how much time I do need for myself, alone, only with me. Biasanya begini kalau mau dapet. But oops! Hormone is blamed and I don't wanna be responsible? No way. I have control of y emotions and behaviours.

Dan udah lama ga solat tahajud juga. Dear Dita. It is okay not to be okay. Suka mellow sendiri kadang. Apalagi kalau lihat Lateefa. Antara mellow sama hepi sama gemes sama ih apa sih tau ah teserah deh. 😪

Dia makin ada-ada aja deh. Celotehannya nih :
Ma, ayo mandi berdua! Eh jangan jangan. Aku bisa mandi sendiri. Nanti mama dimandiin yah sama aku.

Mah ayo main. Aku kerja dulu yah. Mana di rumah. (Lari menjauh) ni tifa lagi kerja, mama nangis cepet.

Mama aku ulang tahun. *Nyanyi lagu selamat ultah sambil tepuk tangan*.

Aduuh Lateefa banyak kerjaan nih! Lap susu tumpah, beresin mainan. Haduh aku capek mah! *Terus tidur di kasur*

And she is gonna be threenager next month! Sayang! Sekarang saya tahu gimana rasanya punya anak perempuan. Yang banyak gaya. Ketu. Sok iyeh. Ngangenin.
Dear, Lateefa. I love you beyond words. Inget aja mau mama marah, kesel, diem, I love you. Full stop. Thank you for keeping my feet stomping the ground and my hands clapping out loud. Hats off to you, Nak. I have never felt such love sebelum jadi ibu. Thank you buat suami yang ngertiin banget istrinya lagi cuek 😛 makasi loh surprise date nya last week pas jemput aku hari Jumat. Kamu emang paling bisa deh bikin GR. 😆

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